CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has today been met with a chorus of support from inner-city Melbourne residents whose entire identities are based around worshipping him and his government. As Greater Sydney marches towards the back end of their fifth week in lock down, the man responsible
read now CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT COULD YOU COME IN HERE FOR A SEC: Former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has once again spared Scotty From Marketing the humiliation of being exposed as as lazy public servant who spends more time playing with his dick than he spends on the phone to multinational pharmaceutical
read now CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With just less than 3 million Australians that have received both of their shots, it’s become quite clear that Australia’s current jab roll-out is the most needlessly complicated government program since they sent letters to the entire population to ask them what their vibe was regarding marriage
read now WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The island nation of New Zealand has won global praise today, after confirming a genrous donation of spciy cough jabs to a less fortunate nation. Speaking from Wellington this morning, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern said she will be providing an extra 1,000,000 jabs to an under
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https://www.theshovel.com.au/2021/07/23/children-not-able-to-access-vaccine-australia/<!–...
read now WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The premier of Queensland has confirmed to The Advocate that days don’t get much better than yesterday. Speaking from Tokyo after being ‘pressured’ to stay for the opening ceremony of the Olympics, Annastacia Palaszczuk explained that she can’t think of a better 24 hours than the
read now MARKUS VENUTI | Italia | CONTACT It seems that local Ingham resident Raphael Panucci might change his ways after the run Scotty’s been having. This comes after almost an entire lifetime of voting for the LNP as a small business owner who hates the bloody banca and taxaman more than his grandkids
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Prime Minister Scott Morrison shocked work colleagues and indeed close friends who have known him most of his life when he openly apologised yesterday for the botched COVID-19 vaccination rollout. “I’ve never, ever, heard him apologise for anything – ever – in all the decades I’ve known him,” a
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MYSTERY: Mythbusters and sceptics admit they cannot explain the “vision” of Prime Minister Scott Morrison an elderly NSW woman saw and photographed in a cup of coffee she bought at the Engadine outlet of fast foot eatery McDonald’s earlier this week. Doris Stokes, a 78-year-old widow from Cronulla, said
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Prime Minister for Sydney Scott Morrison has been telling colleagues how much he’s looking forward to the weekend, after a grueling week which saw the PM have to rock up to work 2 consecutive days in a row. ”Scott has really been burning the midday oil this week,”
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https://www.theshovel.com.au/2021/07/22/remorseful-scott-morrison-says-he-is-willing-to-accept-respo...
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Australian conservatives are leading a campaign to demand that the Queensland Olympics scheduled for 2032 include the sport of Jumping to Conclusions. The campaign is being lead by conservative commentator Miranda Devine, an expert in the field, and has strong backing in parliament from Queensland MP George Christensen.
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Call me a sentimental silly old sausage if you must but I’ve been having surges of sooky emotion ever since hearing at 6.30pm last night that Brisbane has won the rights to host the 2032 Olympics and Paralympics. Well, more than the normal amount, certainly. I’m not sure
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BRISBANE OLYMPICS: Australia is set to reap a swag of gold medals at the 2032 Brisbane Olympics if moves to add new sports to the Games’ program succeed. Sources within the Australian Olympic Committee said a precedent had already been set with several new sports added to the list
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https://www.theshovel.com.au/2021/07/22/brisbane-2032-olympics-to-welcome-athletes-from-countries-ri...
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The head of Australia’s largest Daggy Dad lobby group has called for the Prime Minister to stop appropriating the culture of genuine hapless fathers to further his own political ends. ‘You just can’t blithely identify as a daggy dad if you’ve never accidentally got your head caught inside
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GAMES SHOCK: TOKYO: The International Olympic Committee has sensationally rejected Brisbane’s bid to host the 2032 Games, citing a grossly fraudulent nomination process that “mocked just about every basic principle the Olympic charter stands for”. An ashen-faced IOC president Thomas Bach of Germany announced the committee’s shock decision
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SOUTH AUSTRALIAN POLITICS: Lord Downer of Adelaide Hills (pictured) has issued a blistering statement castigating the South Australian Government for imposing a snap coronavirus lockdown that threatens to scuttle events His Lordship had planned for the coming weekend at his family seat, Pout House. His Lordship’s statement – printed
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https://www.theshovel.com.au/2021/07/21/jeff-bezos-relishes-new-opportunity-to-look-down-on-his-work...
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Prime Minister for NSW Scott Morrison has allegedly joined Amazon billionaire Jeff Bezos on his space ship Blue Origin on it’s maiden journey to space. ”Whilst we can’t confirm or deny that our dear Leader has made the monumental journey into Space,” said a Spokesperson for the PM.
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https://www.theshovel.com.au/2021/07/20/christian-porter-ordered-to-pay-550000-to-jo-dyer-in-humilia...
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https://www.theshovel.com.au/2021/07/20/g7-to-reconvene-to-congratulate-scott-morrison-on-not-shitti...
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NSW-based Village People covers band The Macho Men have been devastated this week, after the NSW Government implemented a ban on all construction workers. ”Mate, this is just devastating,” said the group’s Policeman. ”Already we have lost so much work with the ban on live shows and now,
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